Is All of this Joy Dangerous? Ridiculous? Shame-based?

Dr. Andrea Macari, the "expert" they used on the Mike and Juliet Show this morning called my life ridiculous, shame-based and impossible.  Interesting that she's never met my wife or me and thinks she can still offer such an opinion. 

The funny thing to me is that she thinks people like me should be true to ourselves and live openly gay lives.  What she is advocating is that individuals should leave their spouses, abandon their children and give into sexual urges.  Sure, live life being true to your every sexual whim.  Well, Dr. Macari, I did that and long before I was married or even wanted to be married I chose to live a different life.  And, I am sorry that doesn't fit with your brand of "science" but I have three people that I absolutely can't wait to get home to every day at 5pm and who I treasure more than life and they are my wife, my son and my daughter. Nothing could ever tempt me to leave them or to be unfaithful in thought or deed.

Dr. Macari is the epitome of intolerance. Her brand of therapy is abusive as she weilds her credentials and seeks to wreck homes in the name of helping people live as she believes they were created to live.

The truth is that I am not here to try to convince the Dr. Macari's of the world that my life is legitimate.  Leslie and I are simply sharing our story so that the individual out there who has found gay life to be as empty as I found it can know there is hope for a better life.

Change IS possible and my life is but one of thousands that proclaim that truth.

This isn't shame---this is bliss. 

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I saw the show and thought you were a total gentlemen.The female host Julie was clearly directing the show.I want to commend you and youre wife for standing up for truth!

Relationships are hard and need time and work to grow. A young christian men started a new Myspace group last month to discuss relational issues affecting those who have chosen to leave homosexualityAny advice you and youre wife can give the group would help.

-Elizabeth

http://groups.myspace.com/exgaysingles

[Dave Rattigan]

But Alan, how many homes are broken and families torn apart because gay men married thinking they could be straight, and then found it was a burden they couldn't possibly carry? My fear is that for every success story like yours, there are other tales of incredible pain, shame and broken lives.

[Alan Chambers]

Dave, you make a good point. We are very careful NOT to point people towards marriage or to ever imply that marriage or dating will fix someone's same-sex desires. I think it is a tragedy when well-meaning, but misguided, Christians assume that heterosexuality is the fix for homosexuality when it isn't.

[Joel]

ALAN! I 'LOVE' YOUR VIEW OF LIFE!

"Be like me and like the thousands of others I know and you'll go to heaven, find peace and be happy." Is there something I'm missing?

Then them politicians use it to aid their platform in their God-upholded values. This is what God wants after all. Even tho homosexuality being a sin comes from a misguided interpretation, and a historically dragged bigoted view of homosexuality.

Can't get enough of Love the sinner hate the sin rhetoric -_-. Well, at least some parts of the world have come to realize it's not unhealthy, a disease, a disorder, a fault, a moral perversion nor a threat to anything. I'm just wondering if these ex-gay ministry will ever acknowledge these facts.

[Jonathan]

Alan:

I kind of think the Dr. was a waste. If I was putting together what was supposed to be a balanced panel, she isn't the one I would choose. I certainly don't think I would characterize the life you and your wife have built a charade. Only you guys could be the judge of that.

On the other hand, some of the things you've said seem to imply that the life I've built is a charade. That it is somehow second rate. So, while you are deservedly offended by how the Dr. characterized your relationship, others of us who have strong, viable, healthly relationships that don't look like yours, are also offended when you imply that we are somehow living less that fulfilled lives. Can you see how that would be a frustration?

j.

[Greg]

Alan, thanks for your commitment to stand for truth and for allowing yourself to be under intense scrutiny to get the message out there. Change is possible. Blessings to you and your family. Keep on keeping on!

[Alan Chambers]

Jonathan,

I know that it is offensive and hurtful to you and the gay community when anyone refers to your life as sinful or less than. This may sound unbelievable, but I am sorry for that. I don't want to hurt or offend, but at the same time, I believe every word of the Bible and know that homosexuality, among so many other things, falls short of what God intended for His creation. It isn't my standard, it is His standard.

It took me a long time to get over the pain and anger that I directed towards God for condemning something that seemed so natural to me, but I now understand why He wanted more for me.

[Ashley]

hi,greetings from Singapore. I have been very disturbed about the prevalent trend of homosexuality in the world at large. I have been burdened to pray. Your ministry to guide the homosexuals back to the back of righteousness gives me renewed hope and strength to keep praying! It's testifies that our LORD's hands are at work and in control.

[Joel]

"but I now understand why He wanted more for me."... why?
Because the bible said that it was the creative intent?

It also says that men who sleep with man are to be put to death(ye the moral of homosexuality would still stand since its reinforced in the NT, but not to kill them?, won't the standard go hand in hand?) And according to the chapter in Romans that reinforces what is said in Leviticus(includes lesbians too) says that they should be put to death. Why don't you advocate this moral vision of God? Wouldn't killing them be the best way to deal with such deviant way of the creative intent?

If you go to the 10 commandments, don't you think its a contradiction then? And then... why would anyone believe the bible as infallible if so?

[Carrie]

Dear Joel

There are 3 kinds of law in the OT:

- the ceremonial law
- the moral law
- the social law

The ceremonial law is the system of sacrifices, fulfilled by Christ, no longer to be practiced. (sacrificing animals, etc)

The social law was given specifically to govern ancient Israel. Thus they apply to us as examples of God’s standards, not as direct commands.

The moral law still in force today as it was then.

So, the homosexual thing is in the social law. The moral law part is that homosexuality is wrong. That means we don’t stone homosexuals, we condemn homosexuality. We offer grace to sinners.

Would it be easy for a young Christian, not having read the entire Bible (much less drawn the 7 theological conclusions you have), to justify, quite easily, the killing of a homosexual?

It would also be equally easy to read a handful of scriptures about grace and come to the conclusion that sin doesn’t matter. Both conclusions would be wrong whether the person is a young Christian or not.

I think it’s also obvious that anyone using scripture to justify killing a homosexual is standing on very thin ice. This person didn’t arrive at this conclusion because of scripture. This person (or people) came to their conclusion because they READ INTO the Bible what they wanted it to say, or they are being taught a false teaching and have never bothered to check it out themselves (this is the impression I get from the Westboro Baptist church stuff that I have seen).

Inevitably, Christians are not bound by Old Testament law for we are in a new covenant with God. Jesus’ atonement at the cross takes the punishment for sin and puts it squarely on His shoulders. It is a sin for us to take Gods judment in our own hands. The right to punish isn’t ours.

Also unlike today the Kindoms of Isreal lived under a theocratic goverement we today live in a democratic system. Infact democratic goverments have often gotten there biggest push from Christians and Jews themselves.

Many homosexuals leave there oppresive nations to come to America every year
even though it was founded by Puritans. In ancient times people killed for many reasons that we would finf unjust. People killed no matter what the culture was. Nero was a homosexual in the first century and he killed thousands of Christians and later blames them for destroying an entire city. It was the biggest holocaust againts Christians ever.

The prohibitions against homosexuality in Leviticus 18 and 20 appear alongside other sexual sins-adultery and incest, for example-which are forbidden in both Old and New Testaments, completely apart from the Levitical codes. Scriptural references to these sexual practices, both before and after Leviticus, show God's displeasure with them whether or not any ceremony or idolatry is involved.

http://www.myspace.com/freedomispossible

[Joel]

Ty for your response Carrie.

Here are some other issues that I wish for you, Carrie or whoever can clear them up.

Why is Leviticus 13:19 and Leviticus 20:18 there as part(or in middle)of a moral code?

In Romans 1, verse 24 it talks about giving them up to "in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity" but this is not of homosexual desires but of heterosexual ones, right?

Later in Romans 1:26-27 " Even their..." infers that they were not exclusively homosexual but rather a very horny and depraved society that apparently just wanted sex. How exactly do we read homosexuality into this? Is it that homosexuals are "inflamed with lust for one another"... isn't the same thing being said in the verse before this about heterosexuality? or is this the homosexual trait that pretty much condemns homosexuals them from entering heaven? ANd then... couldn't the same reasoning or interpretation be applied in Romans 1:24?

At any rate... this is condemning sexual impurity both from homosexuals and heterosexuals, no?

Im sorry if im flooding you with questions.. but in order to believe Chambers mission this needs to be adressed.

"Many homosexuals leave their oppresive nations to come to America every year"... maybe I'm just naive but I live in America, and there seems to be a rise in anti-gay propaganda or God honored justice, depending on the point of view. Canada is a much better place for them to go... And I can't remember the name of the European ones.

[Jonathan]

Alan:

I've been mulling over your comment for a couple of days now. It's kind of mind-boggling. You have absolutely no problem calling out people who don't agree with you or who offend you, but then you hide behind your own simple understanding of God when your exact same behavior is brought forward.

I am thankful that I don't have to stand before a God that is like you. A hand wringing God that feels sorry that he's about to send me into hell because I've chosen a second rate life. If your understanding of God is that He will be unhappy with you for being gay, then live consistent with that feeling. But for God's sake, back off the rest of us who are trying to live our best before the Lord.

If you are truly sorry, as you say, then you'd stop all the grandstanding you do. You'd go about living a life consistent with your thoughts...but you'd let other people work out their own salvation. That's not your style though. You've got to be working every Senator and Congressman you know to make certain that gay people are thought of as second class citizens. That's not sorrow! That's just plain hypocritical!

j.

[Mike E]

Jonathan, of course Alan's thoughts and actions will seem to conflict to you--you keep deciding for yourself everything that he thinks and believes, and you're way off.

You might want to consider that other people's motives and convictions aren't what you perceive them to be.

[Alan Chambers]

Jonathan,

I never said that being gay would send you to Hell. Those who have a relationship with Jesus Christ will see the Kingdom of Heaven. I know gay people who have that very security. But, be assured of this, homosexuality is a sin and it does create distance, like all sin, between people and God.

My life isn't about policy or convincing anyone. I share my story and let people CHOOSE to draw their own conclusions. I believe it is the activist gay community that wants to force people to conform to their conclusions about homosexuality.

I am sorry you don't like what I believe. I don't like what you believe. Thank God we live in a country where opinions aren't against the law....yet.

[Jonathan]

Sometimes I'm a little hasty in what I say and it comes across harshly. I think that was the case in my comment yesterday and for that I apologize!

Like you, I didn't asked to be gay. Like you, I followed a path that put great distance between myself and my Savior. Like you, one day I realized that my choices were separating me from the One who truly loved me with a love that was beyond comprehension. I spent my entire early life begging God to "heal" me of this "awful" part of myself. I was incredibly sensitive to God...period. And yet, nothing. I walked away from God, the Church and anything or anyone that had anything to do with either. In the end, extremely unfulfilling. I came back to Christ. Instead of asking Him to heal me and take this issue away, I made Him first in my life. I laid every part of me at the Cross..including my sexuality. My life changed dramatically. My relationship was also given to Christ, mindful that whatever Christ asked, I would follow through on. Today, that is still my heart's cry...whatever He asks of me, I will do.

Oddly enough Alan, while God has spoken to me about many areas of my life and I have followed His leading in those areas, there has been a silence regarding my relationship and my sexuality. Instead of throwing up my hands and getting bitter, which I did in the past, I continue to live with Him first. Should He choose, I will lay down everything for Him.

My life looks nothing like what most in Christendom think it should...at least to be a good Christian. And I'll be honest, it confuses the heck out of me at times. It is those moments that I remember that outside of Him I don't truly live. I don't have answers to some of the questions. I continue to search...but most importantly, I put Him first.

My own story has made me real slow to say that God works in one way. I am finding out that His ways are far beyond our own and to put Him into a box is harmful to all of us. For sure I've got lots of questions, but I trust Him to do exeedingly above all that we ask or think.

Sorry for rambling! Just thought, perhaps, you should know a little bit about me.

j.

[Joel]

Your right Chambers... religion and, reason,equality and/or freedom-of-choice, can not coexist sometimes. We would be going against God if we let 'the gay sin'(humans) do what 'the holy'(humans) cherish.

Well... tried putting some reasoning into why we should let open gay people work in christian businesses or let them live under a christian landlord. But its inevitable to equate sin with the sinner, thus making discrimination or 'truthful moral justice' acceptable.

Then gays are back to the tolerable square: Closet, denial, lieing, shame and ultimately years in ex-gay ministries to help them with 'the disorder' and moral transgression.

[Jonathan]

You might want to consider that other people's motives and convictions aren't what you perceive them to be. - Mike E

Mike,

That little sentance is good for all of us. It's good for me to remember. It's good for you to remember. It's good for Alan to remember. Perhaps that's one of the reasons I'm so opposed to this alleged "cultural" war. A lot of it, from both sides, is a result of insinuations and perceptions that aren't always based in reality. We should be more like that little red-headed girl you wrote about who, as a Christian, went to her local GSA. She was surprised...and they were surprised. It's amazing what happens when people lay aside their preconceived notions and actually sit down together!

Thanks for the reminder!

j.

[Alan Chambers]

Jonathan,

Thanks for sharing your story---we all need to do this more often because it humanizes a very inhuman battle.

I think you are doing what so many Christian people affected by homosexuality are doing: seeking the Lord on this issue. I once had to do the very same thing. At the end of the day, however, I didn't need Him to speak to me more than I needed to surrender to what He had already said through His Word. I found His truth on homosexuality there and His amazing grace was wrapped around it.

You are living in His amazing grace, what do you do with the truth that is written there, though?

Please hear that as a sincere question.

[Alan Chambers]

Joel,

Can you clarify your post above? I think I understand, but not sure.

THANKS

[Alan Chambers]

Joel,

Related to your question to Carrie and your interest in the moral code, etc. I encourage you to read The Gay Gospel? By Joe Dallas.

http://exodusbooks.org/Books/index.php?main_page=product_book_info&products_id=17

[Jonathan]

You are living in His amazing grace, what do you do with the truth that is written there, though?

I do view your question as sincere. I wish I had an easy answer. I've studied this issue a great deal from both the liberal perspective and the conservative perspective and just about every perspective in between. I have had to come back to the scripture that says "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling." I don't understand His ways but I must rest in the knowledge that He does all things well. Further to that, I must, absolutely give myself to Him completely and daily...not taking back what I've given.

I was reading a study of the Prophet Hosea one day and the author made a statement that stuck out to me. He said "God does strange things at times, things we don't always understand, things we can't categorize, things that don't fit into what we think we know of him." I guess there's a lot I don't understand Alan. Why would God create Hermaphrodites? What I do know is that we cannot see the mind of God. The scriptures are clear now we see through a glass dimly. You asked, quite naturally, about the "truths" in the scripture. What if, the truths we see there today, were intended as different truths thousands of years ago? That's a question I would have never asked had I never had to deal with being gay. Some people will view that as heretical to even ask. I don't have the answer...yet. Until I do, I put Him first, daily. That's all I can do!

j.

[Joel]

Alan:

I heard the one hour radio documentary in youtube in which Joe Dallas corrects the gay theology verse by verse. And then some. Ill go over it for the 3rd time... And keep reading all the exodus documents (saved em all.. ITS ALOT ^^).

Will suggest you watch these videos too. Was in reply or is related to the Joe Dallas Responding to Gay Theology.
Youtube: Gay bomb debate(4 videos), and ROmans 1 Finalized, by stephenryu.

[malacai levine]

carrie stated...Dear Joel

There are 3 kinds of law in the OT:

- the ceremonial law
- the moral law
- the social law
SOME Christians believe, and think there are only three kinds of Law in the Old Testament, esp. those given by Moses. But there are not JUST three kinds of Law in the OT. There are also laws many Christians are ignorant of, three of them being Political, Purity and Dietary laws.

So, the homosexual thing is in the social law. The moral law part is that homosexuality is wrong. That means we don’t stone homosexuals, we condemn homosexuality. We offer grace to sinners. (emphasis mine.)

Jesus offers GRACE to sinners. Not WE. Homosexuality is not a "social" law thing or a "moral" law thing, unlike the manner in which has been explained by the author, there is nothing stated in the words of Jesus about social or moral law- it is after the fact DOCTRINE of the Church. REAL Christians, who understand the teaching of Jesus and the sacrifice his death implies, understand he had no words about homosexuality, nor did he make claims against homosexuals. Early Christians such as the minister Paul(Saul of Tarsus)wrote letters to the followers and church members- thus, many modern Christians assume are his letters are condemnations against homosexuals.
"Carrie," it would behoove you to do some investigating before posting inaccuracies- a number of fallacies regarding Church History, American History and Roman History appear in that post of yours.

[Alan Chambers]

Jesus didn't say anything about a lot of things, Malacai. No mention of abortion, spousal abuse, etc. The Gospels weren't an entire transcript of Jesus' life or teachings.

In Jesus' day it was understood that homosexuality was both immoral an unlawful. He wouldn't have needed to preach on it.

He did, however, give us every indication that marriage was between one man and one woman for one lifetime.

As for your take on Carrie's breakdown of the 3 types of law, she had it right.

[Alan Chambers]

Oh, one more thing, Malacai, you do have the grace issue down. God's grace is ours and we all need it daily. THANK GOD for HIS SON.

[Jonathan]

Alan:

Not to be argumentative, but I don't believe homosexuality was "unlawful" during Jesus' time on earth. I believe that during Jesus' time, Israel was under Roman rule. My understanding is that homosexuality was tolerated under Roman law. Although it was understood differently than we understand it in today's venacular. According to what I've studied, the Romans didn't hold exlusive views of homosexuality and heterosexuality. Bisexuality was incredibly common. A person's social status also mattered a great deal when it came to homosexual relations. The upper-classes were much more likely to indulge and, masters had total sexual use of their slaves. This was the rule that Jesus was under, so one couldn't say that it was unlawful. Eventually, over time, as Christianity took hold, the Romans began to change laws regarding homosexuality. But even those were enacted over time instead of a one-time kind of rule change.

j.

[malacai levine]

In Jesus' day it was understood that homosexuality was both immoral an unlawful. He wouldn't have needed to preach on it.

To Jews, in some instances homosexuality was immoral and unlawful, yes. Except when public humiliation of tribal leaders was practiced after a war. Otherwise the condemnation was against prostitution, esp. temple prostitution incorporated into worship and of course pedophilia. But for Greeks and Romans, not so. It is rare to find accounts in recorded Sanhedrin testimony of executions or punishment for homosexuality. Which leaves me to believe it wasn't punished or what we would understand and preach against TODAY.

He did, however, give us every indication that marriage was between one man and one woman for one lifetime.

Jesus did not, your refutation of “every indication” mars the fact that polygamy was culturally, religiously and socially the norm. What Jesus did say about marriage has to do with divorce and remarriage or “putting away a wife and taking another“- it complicated the women as property and creating a situation of poverty for the woman who was removed from a harem or family.

As for your take on Carrie's breakdown of the 3 types of law, she had it right.

Yet she didn’t include Purity, Dietary and Political laws as I stated. That makes six “kinds” of law right there. Carrie did say OT law didn’t she? There are 3 kinds of law in the OT:
- the ceremonial law
- the moral law
- the social law

[malachai levine]

Jesus didn't say anything about a lot of things, Malacai. No mention of abortion, spousal abuse, etc. The Gospels weren't an entire transcript of Jesus' life or teachings.

Why would Jesus say anything about abortion or spousal abuse- women and children were property as were animals.
You are discussing this as if you do not understand the cultural implications for humans who lived at the time of Jesus. Too many Christians today simply ignore the context of social, cultural and political norms. The Bible gives us enough information on women and children that there is no excuse for you to bring up abortion or spousal abuse. They were definitely treated and in some cultures still treated as property - that would moot any discussion abortion or spousal abuse.

[Joel]

malachai. Wasn't that 'object' status changed when Jesus came?

[malachai levine]

malachai. Wasn't that 'object' status changed when Jesus came?

ONLY if we ignore scripture or revise it to fit an agenda.
I see no changes made in Jesus' teaching related to Genesis where God punishes the woman with pain in childbirth, and with subordination to man: "your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" and no changes to God punishes man with a life of toil: "In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground."
One might argue Galatians 3:28 "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" changes women valued as "object" but that's clearly not Jesus, it's presumed to be Paul, and consistently, the writing of Paul demonstrates he did little to elevate the status of women in Jewish society or culture.

[Lex]

continued . . .
Now I honestly don't think the good doctor was quite hard enough on you, nor did she really have time to hit her ball home. But please, allow me.

[Ralph]

You call Dr. Macari an "expert" as if she's not a trained professional. Is is a licensed Psychologist. This is more than I can say for "Jayson Graves" of your organization who is an unlicensed therapist in Colorado. You and your organization have said worse than Macari.

This is on your own website why dont you try to explain this Alan???

As with any lifestyle that is intentionally focused on sin or that strays beyond God’s design, a lifestyle of homosexuality will lead to ruin.
Homosexuality may lead to physical death, but it will surely lead to relational, emotional, and spiritual ruin. True compassion is not passive when someone is involved in a lifestyle that will lead to pain or destruction.
Mike Goeke, Executive Vice President of Exodus International

http://www.exodus.to/content/view/313/87/

[Ralph]

You call Dr. Macari an "expert" as if she's not a trained professional. Is is a licensed Psychologist. This is more than I can say for "Jayson Graves" of your organization who is an unlicensed therapist in Colorado. You and your organization have said worse than Macari.

This is on your own website why dont you try to explain this Alan???

As with any lifestyle that is intentionally focused on sin or that strays beyond God’s design, a lifestyle of homosexuality will lead to ruin.
Homosexuality may lead to physical death, but it will surely lead to relational, emotional, and spiritual ruin. True compassion is not passive when someone is involved in a lifestyle that will lead to pain or destruction.
Mike Goeke, Executive Vice President of Exodus International

http://www.exodus.to/content/view/313/87/

[Lex]

Alan is a bi or homosexual human, this is fact and there need be no more dramalogue about this very straight forward issue. This fact is evidenced by his own acknowledgement of the still binding same sex attraction that he deals with on a constant basis.

A tool to know where you are at in your evolution, is to look at those around you who you engage with or who engage with you. As within as so without. If you feel things on the inside you will see them reflected on the outside, smile and the world smiles back, judge within and the world judges back. Alan attracts such self loathing from the human race, that the mirror is shattering for his homosexual child inside, so his pathology is still playing out. His own inner self disgust is always nawing at him on many levels, and so it is projected in his world by people who also have disgust within themselves and resonate with his. "Mirror mirror on the wall, please be kind, don't break my balls." Shame impossible changes and redicuous meanderings of text are all mechanisms of Alan's mind, the good doctor is not far off at all. As with all those who shoot his guilt back in his face, we want to get clearly honest and we want to see Alan do the same. But Alan can't right now and that is his job when the time comes, not yours. You get clear you are majorly ok in all eyes, particularly your own, you will then stop listening to the resonance of condemnation Alan favors for his "recovery". It may take St. Peter slamming the pearly gates in Alan's face and telling him to go back and get it right. It's not difficult being gay, what's difficult is resolving your own guilt you have downloaded from a puritanical fear based society about being gay. Sexual identity change is "impossible" as the good doctor says, however changing your mind about how you look at it, is possible. Alan just doesn't have the chops for it yet. Regardless, you have arrived when you have left judgement behind and gained acceptance of all parts of your sexual self, then go have the love and the life of your dreams. Know thyself, and to thine own self be true. Nothing could be more on target. Best ever to you all, and yes, Alan too! Lex

[Joel]

Your a poet Lex! ^^

If about half the things in the causes section about homosexuality are true of someone... specially the core ones. How can someone deny that which he knows and doesn't allow himself to attempt and change something thats apparently changeable(for the better). No, not speaking about Alan's testimony, there are many more that fall under that label.

And if everything that the causes of homosexuality encompass makes substantial sense. How exactly is someone not to believe and follow the 'best' road?

[c]

are there not more important issues in the world? (honest question)

[malachai levine]

are there not more important issues in the world? (honest question)

Yes, "c" there are more important issues- but "Family Values" organizations are not focusing on family values, but on gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered persons. It's a repeat of the minority struggles of the 50's through the 70's. I would like, very much, to know why "Family Values" organizations are not doing anything about homelessness, medical insurance for people who desperately need it, the unequal living wage, the high divorce and remarriage rate in the US and birth defects. Instead they are wasting time, money and energy at Family Impact Summits harping on "gays, Muslims and religious freedoms."

[Mike E]

"...you have arrived when you have left judgement behind and gained acceptance of all parts of your sexual self, then go have the love and the life of your dreams."

Is this the same advice you'd give to a pedophile, a masochist, or someone struggling with a fetish the embracing of which doesn't allow them to pursue relationships as they would wish?

[malachai levine]

Is this the same advice you'd give to a pedophile, a masochist, or someone struggling with a fetish the embracing of which doesn't allow them to pursue relationships as they would wish?

A pedophile sexually objectifies a child- that's a power/mental imbalance. A masochist objectifies the pain inflicted on someone else, another power/mental imbalance. A person who has fetishes is objectifying whatever it is from which they achieve sexual gratification, not a logical comparison to homosexuality. It's a lot like a religious zealot who can't actually love people the way Jesus asks them to and so they replace true love that comes from with in with a variety of mental or physical objects. Objects like, preconceived assumptions of morality, laws, doctrine, any argumentative assertion one can attach God's name to.
How many times will the assumption be made (incorrectly according to psychology) that pedophiles, masochists and fetishes are equivalent to legitimate sexual orientations? Especially sexual orientations that professional psychologists catalogue as such--pedophilia, masochism and fetishes are not sexual orientations- they are sexual quirks.

Mike when you were gay- did you like being compared to pedophiles? Because you bandy that ideal around a lot- if you honestly believe that, fine. However you remain unmarried and childless, and if we are to believe your writing, you still have same sex sexual attractions- you just don't act on it. In all fairness and with logic, the pedophile comparison than could still hold true in your particular case- are you okay with that comparison?